I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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