She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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