Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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