Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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