People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He better not be in your backpack
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
