i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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