Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
