I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
