Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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