AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
