I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
A bitchslap is in order.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize