you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
