Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
