You're my little dorito
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
