There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
