I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Randomize
