i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
