Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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