how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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