it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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