He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I look excited, but its just a facade.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
