If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
