turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
