Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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