Do vagina's smell?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
