Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
