mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
