I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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