3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
