dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
There's even glitter on my cock...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
