If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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