I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
