I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
