you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
