I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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