So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Randomize
