Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
