mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
