I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
there's paper in my vomit.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
