Got a toothbrush?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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