why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
