I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
