I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize