I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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