I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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