So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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