i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
