I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
