you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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