FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
