If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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