Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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