Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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