I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
