I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
