If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
