this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
