Where are you?
In a non slutty way
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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