i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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