How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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