We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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