Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Randomize
