guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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