yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize