Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
