the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
