The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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