Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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