Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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