He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize