just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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