Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
