I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
