moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
