sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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