That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
