My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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