didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
