Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
