plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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