just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
