Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
