My room smells like vodka and shame
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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