I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
